The Man in Mourning

 The Man in Mourning
by Leah M.

The rain softly fell over her grave, a gentle breeze making everything wet and cold, yet it fit the mood he felt and was therefore comforting.  An arrangement of dampened red roses was sprawled across the ground, showing beauty in a place so barren.  The sky, the stones, and the grass were all gray and he was the only sign of life, though he did not feel alive.  A feeling of nothingness encaptured his soul that even pain could not deter him.  The empty world he resided in matched his empty heart.  The moment it broke, he could not remember why, as he felt only numbness spreading to his chest; his mind went blank.  Memories faded as day passed and transformed into night.  The sun arose every morning less bright than the last, as if even the Earth was mourning his loss.  The rain came after the body was found and arrangements were made for the burial.  It came and did not stop.  Water rushed into the streets and imprisoned neighbors to their homes.  No one alive would leave; no one except him.  The world seemed to empathize with his sorrow, allowing him to grieve in peace.  The woman who lay beneath the muddied soil was once so lively and free that no one believed she would become trapped in a wooden box, surrounded by dirt and the pity of a lonely man.  He would never be himself again; he knew something important was destroyed inside once the light left her eyes, eyes that used to shine brightly even in the most terrible situations.  The way she would smile and fill the room with nostalgic memories of happiness and innocence, her welcoming scent of fresh lavender, and even the gentle way she spoke, haunted him each day as he thought of what would have been different had he shown his appreciation instead of trying to drown her out.  He had always been envious of the way people stared at her, knowing instantly she was special.  An angel trapped on Earth, some would say.  There was something different about her essence that made her seem not quite human, but she was always admirable.  He wished more than anything that someone had told him to treasure the moments with her before it was too late.  That tragic night, he walked out of the house in anger after an argument with her about his drinking habits.  She was concerned about his deteriorating health and swore to leave if he would not get his life together.  It was because of love, he knew, but never before had he felt more threatened by words, especially from the beautiful woman at his side who had been there for him through it all.  In the end, his own selfishness caused her early death.  It was supposed to be him, the man who sat in the background dully, waiting for someone interesting to make a few more minutes of life worth living.  His regrets added up but there was no way to change the past.  He would forever be a shadow in the footsteps of the love of his life but he would never complain again if he could have her back.  He felt another tear slowly fall from his eye as he thought of the incident.  He had stumbled out of the house, trying to get fresh air and momentarily escape the argument.  He ran out into the road and got to the other side right before a car crashed into his wife.  He had not known she followed him until he saw the body crumpled on the street and the vehicle rushing past with no knowledge of the lives it ruined.  He knelt beside her instantly feeling clear-headed and grabbed her hand.  She told him she loved him and always would.  At that moment he knew that his life would be permanently altered.  He would quit drinking, pay the bills, and even water the roses out in the garden.  His life was changed for the better but he still could not feel any emotions besides pain and regret.  The light slowly faded from her eyes while he sat, not sure what to do.  He got out of the road because he knew that there was a purpose for her death.  She died so he would live.  The man believed that the only way to make her death not be in vain was to live the best he could and remember why she was here.  He wished he realized sooner how fast his life was falling apart.  If someone told him that he would have to choose between his love and selfishness he would have thought they were just trying to impose morals on him.  Perhaps if he listened to what others said about him, he would’ve decided to change and correct all the wrongdoings that had been done.  But the past cannot be changed and her life was the cost of his mistakes.