If you would've asked me seven months ago what moment changed my life, I wouldn't have told you. But I'm not scared to talk about it anymore. Seven months ago I was living with my dad, my mom, and my sister. Dad, the antagonist in my life story, was the poster child for an abusive, narcissistic alcoholic who had no ambition or direction. Dad carried so many demons and he took it out on his family. Going into details of the abuse is still hard for me.
We made plans to leave and called it "D-Day," or Divorce Day. The night before D-Day was the most drunk I've ever seen him in my life, which says quite a bit considering how much this man drank. I put my father to bed that night, like I'd done numerous times throughout my childhood. However, this time I wasn't afraid to wake up the next morning. I knew that this time was the last. I brought him a glass of water with a smile on my face, and put his phone on the charge knowing all my clothes were in a backpack in the corner of my room, ready to leave with my mom and sister in the morning. I knew the card had a full tank of gas that would take us to my Nana and Papa's house that I hadn't been at in thirteen years. But most importantly, I knew that Papa had gotten us a great lawyer.
Fast forward seven months to today, when I'm writing this while sitting in my new room where Dad has never been. I've found peace. A lot of it. I was finally free from my overbearing, manipulative father and could figure myself out on my own. I learned so much about myself and the world, more than the average seventeen-year-old would in high school. I've found that forgiveness is essential to your self growth, that by holding a grudge you inhibit yourself from discovering the path God has set out for you. I could've very easily become my dad. I could have held the most iron fisted grudge on everyone that has ever done me wrong, drank myself to death, and refused to change. But I forgave him. I forgave my mom for not making the decision to leave sooner, and I've forgiven myself. I was forced to grow up so fast, and for that, I would always feel sorry for myself. But now I view it as a gift, that I witnessed what I could have become before I actually became it. Before it was too late for me to change, the way it's too late for Dad. For that, I say thank you, God.
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