Dearest Sir Patrick Delaney-Podmore,
Perhaps you misunderstood me in my last letter, so allow me to make myself perfectly clear: if I had any desire to create a Nearly Headless Hunt, then I would bloody do that myself instead of spending all this time and ink trying to convince you and your beautifully decapitated brothers to allow me to join you.
Not everyone is as fortunate as yourself, to be decapitated so perfectly. I had to endure forty-five hacks with a dull axe for my execution, and even in the afterlife I can’t indulge in such activities guaranteed to those who met their end at the axe or the guillotine!
Please, when reviewing future applications, consider expanding your definition of beheaded to include all victims of decapitation, and do not blame your fellow Headless for a job carried out so poorly!
Fondly,
Sir Nicholas de Mimsy-Porpington
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